🐾 The Animal Ladder
Understanding your child's behaviour through their nervous system.
Tap each animal to learn more.
What you might notice
Your child seems settled and able to engage with the world in their own way. They might play, explore, chat, or simply be content in their own company. Their body tends to look at ease. For many children, especially neurodivergent ones, this state doesn't always look "sociable" in a typical sense, and that's fine.
What's happening inside
Their nervous system feels safe. This is the state where connection, learning, and curiosity become possible. It looks different in every child.
What helps
- Follow their lead, join them in whatever engages them
- A calm, warm presence signals safety, even without words
- Laughter, play, and silliness tend to sustain this state
- If conversations about feelings ever feel right, this is usually the moment
What you might notice
Your child seems irritable, tearful, restless, or quick to snap. They might argue over small things, struggle to settle, or seem wound up. Their body often looks tense. Some children go loud and fizzy; others go quiet and prickly. Both can be this state.
What's happening inside
The nervous system has sensed a threat and activated a mobilising response. This isn't wilful bad behaviour; it's their body trying to protect them. Sensory overload, transitions, and uncertainty are common triggers, especially for neurodivergent children.
What helps
- Stay regulated yourself, your nervous system co-regulates theirs
- Acknowledge what you're noticing without demanding they explain it: "You seem really wound up right now"
- Some children settle through movement, others need stillness and quiet; know which your child needs
- Avoid reasoning or problem-solving until they're calmer; they can't take it in yet
- A softer, slower voice tends to help more than a louder one
What you might notice
Your child seems flat, very far away, or as though they've gone inside themselves. They may not speak, may seem absent, or may look fine outwardly while feeling nothing inside. Some children in this state can look deceptively calm, which is why it's worth noticing the change from their own baseline.
What's happening inside
When threat feels too overwhelming to fight or flee, the nervous system shuts down as a deep protective response. This isn't defiance or indifference. They need patient, low-demand presence, not pressure to explain, make contact, or come back.
What helps
- Be near without asking anything of them, your calm presence is enough
- A soft voice, slow breath, and unhurried body language all help
- Avoid pressing for explanation or a response
- Rhythm and warmth can help: something to hold, a blanket, familiar sounds
- Touch can be soothing for some children and overwhelming for others, follow their cues
- They often need to move through the Scratchy Cat state on the way back to calm
Resources for parents
▶ Watch the videoA short film explaining the Animal Ladder, with ideas for supporting your child at home → 📄 Free PDF for childrenA simple, friendly guide your child can read themselves → 📄 Free PDF for parentsA deeper look at the ladder with practical guidance for home → ☺ "How are you feeling?" appAn interactive tool to help you and your child talk about feelings together → ♡ Counselling for parents and childrenFind out about working with John, or get in touch with a question →Created by John Walter, Counsellor & Psychotherapist